FHM

VIDEO: She’s Cristiano Ronaldo’s girlfriend. And she wishes you a very ‘Merry Christmas’, in red-and-white lingerie, lots of prancing, lots of smiling.

We feel a little warmer inside. Our bells have been jingled.

VIDEO: Kids, have you washed your balls lately? Do you know that dirty balls are the fastest way to ruin a good game? Not to mention anyone who touches your filthy balls will regret it for life. So go clean your balls. Now.

VIDEO: Now who wants to date a cougar? Hands up.

*pause*

Of course. But this ad doesn’t just have a smoking product, but a really catchy jingle too. Imagine humming this while you’re at the supermarket counter in front of Aunty Wong. All together now:

I’m a cougar, she’s a cougar, we’re all cougars, not enough cougars
Don’t you wanna date a cougar too? (repeat)

Sing it a few times and it’ll come true. I’m a couga…